Gaston

[LEFOU] Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston! Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're everyone's favorite guy Everyone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston For there's no man in town half as manly [BIMBETTES] Perfect, a pure paragon! [LEFOU/MEN] You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on Who plays darts like Gaston? Who breaks hearts like Gaston? Who’s much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston? [GASTON] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating! [ALL] My, what a guy, that Gaston! [GASTON] I needed encouragement Thank you, LeFou [LEFOU] Well, there's no one as easy to bolster as you! Too much? [GASTON] ...Yep [ALL] No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston [LEFOU] In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston [GASTON] When I hunt, I sneak up with my quiver And beasts of the field say a prayer First, I carefully aim for the liver Then I shoot from behind [LEFOU] Is that fair? [GASTON] I don't care [ALL] No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston [LEFOU] In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston [GASTON] I'm especially good at expectorating! [spits] [ALL] Ten points for Gaston! [GASTON] When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs Every morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge! [LEFOU/MEN] Who has brains like Gaston? Entertains like Gaston? [GASTON] Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston? I use antlers in all of my decorating [ALL] Say it again Who's a man among men? Who's the super success? Don't you know? Can't you guess? Ask his fans and his five hangers-on There's just one guy in town Who's got all of it down... [LEFOU] And his name's G-A-S...T... I believe there's another T... It just occurred to me that I'm illiterate And I've never actually had to spell it out loud before... [ALL] Gaston!