Hey, mister, where you headed? Are you in a hurry? Need a lift to happy hour Say, "oh, no" Do you brake for distilled spirits? I need a break as well The well that inebriates the guilt One, two, one, two, three, four Cold turkey's getting stale Tonight I'm eating crow Fermented salmonella, poison ooh, no There's a drought at the fountain of youth And now I'm dehydrating My tongue is swelling up I say, one, two, one, two, three, four Troubled times, you know I cannot lie I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride There's a drought at the fountain of youth And now I'm dehydrating My tongue is swelling up, I say... Shit! Troubled times, you know I cannot lie I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride Say birthday boys, hey!