What's Your Story (feat. Rachel Bloom)

Story, story, what's your story? Story, story, what's your crime? What got you here? Rage, lust, or fear? We all got a story 'cause we're doing time Ra ta ta Ra ta ta Ra ta ta Tell your story. Ra ta ta Um. OK, fine. My boyfriend had meth in the glove compartment of Our car and I got pulled over for something else and a cop found it Ooh! Well, did you dump that good-for-nothing drug planting boyfriend! No, we're still together. I love him Oh. Well, did you at least tell the cops that it was his meth? I mean, I could have turned him in, But my boyfriend and I have a son. I can't risk our child having both parents in jail That's true. That's-that's a good point Story, story, let's hear another story Story, story, that one was just sad What does your story say About the patriarch-ay? We all have got stories 'cause we did bad Ra ta ta Ra ta ta Ra ta ta Story, go! Ra ta ta Okay! I stole a sweater from the mall Ooh! Had you been stealing all your life?! Was this the culmination of a life of kleptomania? Or were you doing it to stick it to the problematic fashion industry? No..., the heat went out in my apartment And I couldn't afford a sweater, so I stole one Oh hey, I stole a sweater too! I got two months, how long are you in for? Three years Story, story, these are barely stories They're just bleak anecdotes with no start or end Go tell-tell your story, tell your story Ok sure, I have a story. I'm in here for murder Ooh! Murder! Juicy! Ra ta ta While I was driving, My daughter texted me that she was in the hospital and I got so Distracted that, I hit a teenager who was crossing the street and he died Story, story, oh my God with that story Story, story, take away her chair Okay, you know what, I'm just gonna share my story, Because you guys aren't really versed with a sense Of story structure, so I'm gonna show you how it's done I was a no-good, Manipulative love addict with undiagnosed Borderline personality disorder. I swindled! DRUM! I cheated! DRUM! I called out a hit on my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend DRUM DRUM! Then, one day, this guy Trent came into my life. He was ironically just like me. And he tried to kill the man I love, So I pushed him off a building! And then, When I plead guilty just for like, metaphorical symbolism, The judge knew I was innocent so she didn't Accept my plea but I wanted to go to jail anyway Wait, what? You don't have to be here? You chose to be here? Wait Ra ta ta Ra ta ta Ra ta ta