Headlights

(feat. Nate Ruess) Mom, I know I let you down And though you say the days are happy Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up? And, Mom, I know he's not around But don't you place the blame on me As you pour yourself another drink, yeah. I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on Maybe we took this too far I went in headfirst Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse My mom probably got it the worst The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are Did I take it too far? "Cleaning Out My Closet" and all them other songs But regardless I don't hate you 'cause, Ma, You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my mom Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb equivalent to Chemical warfare And forever we can drag this on and on But, agree to disagree That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave) Ma, let me grab my fucking coat, anything to have each other's goats Why we always at each other's throats? Especially when dad, he fucked us both We're in the same fucking boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope) Further away it drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old, And that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on Maybe we took this too far 'Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though 'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand babies grow But I'm sorry, Mama, for "Cleaning Out My Closet", at the time I was angry Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, 'cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio And I think of Nathan being placed in a home And all the medicine you fed us And how I just wanted you to taste your own, But now the medications taken over And your mental state's deteriorating slow And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours But I love you, Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have, 'cause one thing I never asked was Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was Fuck it, I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas Someone ever moved them from me? That you coulda bet your asses If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them And although one has met their grandma once You pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me As we pulled off to go our separate paths, And I saw your headlights as I looked back And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad So, Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet I guess I had to get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashing So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar 'Cause you're my mama... I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on Maybe we took this too far I want a new life (start over) One without a cause So I'm coming home tonight Well, no matter what the cost And if the plane goes down Or if the crew can't wake me up Well, just know that I'm alright I was not afraid to die Oh, even if there's songs to sing Well, my children will carry me Just know that I'm alright I was not afraid to die Because I put my faith in my new girl So I never say "Goodbye, cruel world." Just know that I'm alright I am not afraid to die I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on Maybe we took this too far I want a new life