Arose

If I could rewind time like a tape Inside a boombox One day for every pill Or percocet that I ate Cut down on the valium I'd a heard everything But death is turning so definite, wait They got me all hooked up to some machine I love you, Bean Didn't want you to know I was struggling Feels like I'm underwater Submerged like a submarine Just heard that nurse say My liver and kidneys aren't functioning Been flirtatious with death Skirt-chasing, I guess It's arrivederci Same nurse, just heard say They're unplugging me And it's your birthday Jade, I'm missing your birthday Baby girl, I'm sorry I fucking hate when you hurt, Hai And sweeties, thank you for waiting to open gifts But, girls, you can just open 'em Dad ain't making it home for Christmas Wish I had the strength to just blow a kiss I go to make a fist But I can't make one, I'm frozen stiff I yell, but nothing comes out I'm crying inside, I shout My vocal cords won't permit me I scream, but it's not allowed You put your arm around Momma to calm her, wow! I just thought about the aisle I'll never get to walk us down Never see you Graduate in your caps and gowns It's 'bout to be 2008 How's this happening now? I've got so much more to do And Proof, I'm truly sorry If I let you down, but this tore me in two The thought of no more me and you You gave me shoes, Nikes like new For me for school Doody, I'm trying, but you You were the glue that binded So many things, time I'd give anything to rewind it I had to walk down my halls And constantly be reminded By pictures all on my walls And I couldn't sleep at night 'cause That image burned in my brain Of you on the table Me falling across your body Not able to stand to save you God, why did you take him? I'm tryna keep his legacy alive But I'm dying, where's Nathan? Little ladies, be brave Take care of your mother Smile pretty for pictures Always cherish each other I'll always love ya And I'll be in the back of your memory And I know you'll never forget me Just don't get sad when remembering And, little bro, keep making me proud You better marry that girl 'Cause she's faithfully down And when you're exchanging those sacred vows Just know that if I could be there, I would And should you ever see parenthood I know you'll be good at it Oh, almost forgot to do something Thank my father too I actually learnt a lot from you You taught me what not to do And Mom, wish I'd have had the chance To have one last heart-to-heart Honest and open talk with you Doody, I see you I go to walk to you And I can feel my soul leave my body And float across the room Nurses lean over the bed Pulling tubes out Then the sheet over my head Shut the room down Girls, please don't get upset I see those cheeks soaking and wet As you squeeze hold of my neck So forcibly, don't wanna let Me go, pillow drenched Emotional wrecks With every second Each closer to death But suddenly, I feel my heart Begin to beat slow, then a breath Machines go (Beep, beep, beep) Must've guessed the cheat codes to this shit I'm tryna rewind time like a tape Find an escape Make a beeline Try and awake From this dream, I need to re-find My inner strength To remind me Even if a steep climb I must take To rewrite a mistake I'm rewinding the tape (I don't want it) I'll put out this last album, then I'm done with it One hundred percent finished, fed up with it I'm hanging it up, fuck it Excuse the cursing, baby, but just know That I'm a good person, though they portray me as cold And if things should worsen, but I bet you they won't I'm pledging to throw this methadone in the toilet Shred these old letters I wrote All that old pathetic loathing, closing credits can roll I'm proud to be back I'm 'bout to, like a rematch Outdo Relapse With Recovery, Mathers LP2 Help propel me to Victory laps Gas toward them and fast forward the past Consider the last four minutes as That's the song I'd have sang to my daughters If I'd have made it to the hospital Less than two hours later, but I fought it Came back like a boomerang on 'em Now a new day is dawning I'm up, Tuesday, it's morning Now I know