Going Through Changes

I'm going through changes I'm going through changes Lately I really, feel like I'm rolling for __ like Philly, I feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely, I apologize if all that I sound like, is I'm complaining, But life keeps on complicating, an' I'm debating, On leaving this world, this evening, even my girls, Can see I'm grievin', I try and hide it, But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty, When inside, I'm dying, I am finally realizing I need help. I can't do it by myself, too weak, 2 weeks I've been having ups and downs, Going through peaks and valleys, dilly dallying, Around with the idea, of ending the shit right here. I'm hatin' my reflection, I walk around the house tryin' to fight mirrors, I can't stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat, but what do I care? I give a fuck, only thing I fear, is Hailie, I'm afraid if I close my eyes I might see her, Shit.. I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom, nappin' at noon, Yeah dad's in a bad mood, he's always snappin' at you. Marshall what happened at you, you can't stop with these pills, And you've fallen off with your skills, and your own fans are laughin' at you. It become a problem you're too pussy to tackle, get up, Be a man, stand, a real man woulda had this shit handled. Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed, They say Proof just flipped out, homie just swift out and bust, Nah, it ain't like Doody to do that, He wouldn't fuckin' shoot at, no-body, he fights first, But dwellin' on it only makes the night worse, Now I'm poppin Vic's, perks and Methadone pills. Yeah Em, tight verse, you killed it, Fuckin' drug dealers hang around me like "yes man", And they gon' do whatever I says when, I says it, It's in their best interest to protect their investment. And I just lost my fuckin' best friend, so fuck it, I guess then... Don't know what I'm going through, but I just keep on going through changes... My friends just can't understand this new me, That's understandable man, but just think how bananas you'd be, You'd be an animal too, if you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo. And everybody's lookin' at you, what you want me to do, I'm startin' to live like a recluse and the truth is, Fame startin' to give me an excuse, to be at a all time low. I sit alone in my home theatre, watchin' the same damn DVD, Of the first tour, the last tour, he was still alive. And it hurt sore, fast forward, sleepin' pills'll make me feel alright. And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night, I just take a couple more, yeah you're motherfuckin' right, I ain't slowin' down for no one, I am almost homeward bound. Almost in a coma, yeah homie come on, don't look now, Daddy, don't you die on me, daddy, better hold your ground. Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice, Yeah baby hold me down. Wake up in the hospital, full of tubes, plus somehow I'm pullin' through. Swear when I come back I'ma be bulletproof. I'ma do it just for Proof, I think I should state a few, Facts, cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth. Shit it just hit me that what if I would notta made it through? I think about the things I would never got to say to you, I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do. Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too, I still love your mother, that'll never change, Think about her every day, we just could never get it together. Hey, wish there was a better way, for me to say it, But I swear on everything, I'd do anything for her on any day. There are just too many things, to explain, when it rains, Guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasn't any pain. But I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placin' any blame, I ain't pointin' fingers, heaven knows there never been a saint. I know it just feels like we just pissed away our history, But just today, I looked at your picture, almost hate to say, I miss you self consciously, wish it didn't end this way. But I just had to get away, don't know why, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm..