TONYA

And mother, I am sorry, I never pick up, mm-hmm Because I'm afraid to disappoint ooh, ooh-ah, ooh, no Hey, and I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to Hey, and I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to We were sat outside on the Harvard floor With our feet in dirt, and our hearts in awe I be losin' sleep thinkin' 'bout missed calls And I see the names circling our thoughts And I think about if we lose it all And I turn to shit that you'd never want Like the smoke, the drink, anything at all And I'll say again, "Sorry I don't call" There's no money on my mind But my money or my mind What's the first to fall? I never wanted this shit, yeah Hey, and I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to Hey, and I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to Sometimes it be so spot on it hurts Like when Auntie couldn't decide Between going to work or church I've been in my feelings on an island in the dirt I feel like brothers lie just so my feelings don't get hurt I said, I'll try vacation, I'll try to run away I deleted Facebook, I'll trade fame any day For a quiet Texas place and a barbecue plate I'll switch my place if that's good for you, is that good for you? My ghost still haunt you, my life is I, Tonya A big-eyed monster, only face to conquer I hated songs about fame 'cause that stuff meant nothin' Until them headlines came, then first flight I'm stuck in And maybe it means nothing But I have to say I think about you often And if you want no part with me I'll walk away, I know that I have wronged you And maybe it means nothing But I have to say I think about you often And if you want no part with me I'll walk away, I know that I have wronged you I took a plane to somewhere that I've never been Too many times without my sister and my brother Dad or mother by my side but they're in spirit I always hear it, I know they feel it My mom will always have these dreams that used to keep her up at night I smoke to keep them all away and make use of the time I'm void of feelin' The reasons I'm so out of touch now start revealin' But I'm not ashamed, I'm not afraid of who I am Or how I trust my mental, yeah, it's not perfect But I guess that's just the shit I'm into I fantasize about a time when everything was simple My shelter sheltered me from things I needed to commit to The way it stands to me A victim of Stockholm in my friendships and family What's costin' your time? What's the reason that you whine? What's in your wallet? Dead whites in mine So sour, in this light of lime Daddy said "Study or get that cash" Mommy said "Your career ain't gon' last" Loose change, call a cab, move out their pad I just need a chance to move past my past Don't think too fast, private jets still crash And I'll still fly coach, and I'll still hit a roach And I'll still see roaches at the crib where my folks at Touch your dreams 'fore you touch me and provoke a man (Somebody's gonna have to tell the truth and I'm gonna tell it!) I will I will (I don't matter) I will (Ahh) Can I tell you now? Can I tell you now? I will