Holding on to Smoke

I'm tired of feeling comatose I've lost the me that I loved most I'm barely holding onto smoke I'm barely holding on to smoke! I'm not addicted but I'm not clean Why do I do this to myself on repeat So disconnected from my own reality Am I man or machine If I give, will you take? As I lie for the taste I just fuck it up As you lap it up (Go!) Through flesh and bone I walk alone (Go!) If I run will I fade away 'Cause I don't wanna leave it behind In all my pride, all my shame I find strength enough to show you I may bend but I won't break 'Cause I define who I Define who I become I miss the me that I have not met Choking in silence on the words left unsaid I feel a sickness for a home I've never been And I exist in black and white but now I'm seeing red I built a shelter in complacency Locked myself in and set fire And threw away the key Too scared to live but I'm afraid to die So am I living or am I just alive? In all my pride, all my shame I find strength enough to show you I may bend but I won't break I define who I who I become 'Cause I'm tired of feeling comatose I've lost the me that I loved most I'm barely holding on to smoke But I'm holding on, I'm holding on Broken! I'm holding on Driven! To right the wrong Silent! Connected yet I feel so separated Fallen! Through flesh and bone Frozen! I stand alone Deafened! In silence the voice remains Behind my eyes, beneath my rage I was struggling to get through Out of time and out of faith I define who I become! In all my pride, all my shame I find strength enough to show you I may bend but I won't break 'Cause I define who I Define who I become 'Cause I'm tired of feeling comatose I've lost the me that I loved most I'm barely holding on to smoke But I'm holding on, I'm holding on I'm tired of being human, tired of being numb I'm waiting for the holy ghost to come So save me from the webs that I have spun I'm holding on, holding on I'm holding on Holding on to smoke!